I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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