Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think my moral compass just broke
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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