Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize