At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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