Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
