she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
