Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
