My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize