I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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