too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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