The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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