I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
