I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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