Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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