They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My vagina is officially offended.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
