maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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