i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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