So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
