On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
