I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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