just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
