he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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