whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize