at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
