I feel like I'm in dance class right now
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
