we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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