My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
