it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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