would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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