just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
