i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize