She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
