I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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