Porn is love you can see.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
