I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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