i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
