Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
