Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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