I miss vodka workout Fridays
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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