Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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