Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
