Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
