you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
