dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dick very happy bro
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
