I looked at my own cervix.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize