nut hugger
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Randomize
