i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Can Purell be used as lube?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
