I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
