Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
