God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
