i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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