Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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