I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
