oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
