Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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