I didn't shave. On purpose
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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