We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
