"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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