We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
