he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
