I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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