(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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