Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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