Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
