If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
