did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm just crazy horny about you
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize