My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
