What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
