just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
