Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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