She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you had me at cake vodka
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
