Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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