Is it because I queefed?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
