when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
