i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
