she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
