Already got asked if we're dating
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize