A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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