Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This house was built for laser tag.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
