i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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