fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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