i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
