Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
