Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
