Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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