i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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