So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
