I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
