my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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