What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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