ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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